Multiple faces…3 seconds

It all happen so fast, one minute I was happy the rest all flash. I’m now life less and held down while my friend begin to shove pills in my mouth. I could hear many voices speaking, but never make out what they said, but before all this it was just me and my friend.

They continued to yell “Ms do you know who you are”? right before they strapped me down breathless. I scream to the top of my lunges as they take me prisoner, for my own safety and used a excuse “She has behavioral problems” to give safety. Over the notion I would not have accepted.

My niece stood over me as we caught eye contact. I begin to see my Abductor flashing in front of me. I’m screaming not to stay home, but telling him to stop hitting me. I repeated my self over and over as pounds of ice were poured over my trembling body. He stands there laughing calling me every name in the book and as much as everyone in the room, including the security that knocked of the door, my nice said no one was touching me. I can still feel him even now.

Tanea! Tanea! Don’t let him kid nap me ! and then down the elevator they took me. As much as I can remember from August 17th wasn’t much, but the bruises on my body and arms told the story for me. I was bleeding from the inside because all I wanted was to stay home. I could hear his voice “Don’t be afraid; I’m the way, truth and life”

The tugs and pulls started again They screamed at me. No! Your not going home until the Dr. say so. One held my hand and the other said to hang up the phone, as they took me down four flights of stairs. I begged, screamed, scratched and pulled, but the paramedics went null. I begged and cried for the man God sent me and as I realize, most don’t come to leave. I’m alone, me and my anxiety.

We all want to live in this perfect world and if you can even settle for 70%-80%, but its far from satisfaction.

Why does your pain become their whips Their guilt become your stripes Why does appreciation always come at the end of a over due apology Their fear of seeing your successful is defined as “I have PTSD” removing the I and added “She”

The next morning my leasing offices send me a letter stating they are concerned about not only me, but mainly the neighbors around me due to a “Welfare Check” of a 911 call. It only took three seconds to dial those numbers, but the 1 second your anxiety starts you are no longer in control of your life.

When you intimidate people react in silent, remember no one ever hears the lightning strikes. They only can see them, but when a storm is created everyone fears the of thunder. -Zandria White

When you question why, Change your MINDSET!

We all get in those dark places… Alone ?Scared? Unstable? Bad relationship? Entanglement?and at then we become lost on what to do next.

Have you ever considered that maybe where you are is a good place to be. Why? Because mostly all our challenges in life come from our deepest fears, challenges and relationships.

Sometimes you can not get away from something because the test isn’t over yet. During college you couldn’t hand in your test or that 25 page paper without it being completed, unless you didn’t want the full journey of that course.

When you go through trials and tabulations, change from an in-ward mindset to an out-ward one. If we think about where we are today and with the end in mind our conclusion will always be the same. “A test is a test so it can be used as a tes-timony “ this journey we call stress or pain will soon be used to deliver someone else from the same situation, only quicker!

You can go where you want to go from wherever you start, as long as your trust the path God have you. Do you know where to start, right there you are and right now.

How? If you have a dream without action then you are just dreaming, but when you become relentless to your dream, you create vision.

There’s nothing to be gained by complaining or the lack of effort, instead let’s use our journeys and become POWERFUL.

If we change our mind set from inward to outward , the results are far more rewarding. 🧩.

.

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Dear Anxiety Poem

Manifest Publishing, LLC; Zandria White 2019© All rights reserved.

This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

All I want is peace so I can move forward
but you’re a selfish coward
hoping I give up and say I can no longer take this
but that’s too easy and I refuse to let you win
I get cold sweats in my sleep
even with the AC 
Accepting broken love
from those that don’t deserve it
Over and over I fight myself
why bother picking up the pieces.
My heart steady race
I fletch for no reason
I’m Always afraid
I dream constantly of
someone kidnapping me
and although it was once my reality
eight years still seems like yesterday
and as I pray 
when I take these pills he will find me and let me go
but it only brought me closer to his fist and hands around my throat 
Given so much drugs
I forgot who I was
and sometimes I’m judged 
and laugh at
like I wanted that 
they say why I never went to the police
as if we share 
the same shoes 
in my captivity
But on another note I am idolized for being on top
but I’ll climb back to the bottom 
just to get you to stop 
Dear anxiety 
I refuse to still feel like a traffic slave
I’m standing here, why must I feel like I’ve died that day 
when all I wanted was to go back home 
but he said die or stay
I’m glad I never lost hope
but you make it so hard to trust anyone
so I don’t even seek help.
I started to feel like I deserved this,
so at one point I blame myself
my heart has so many holes
I’ve been so afraid to tell my story
but it’s time I release
you and let go
I’m tired of going to the store just to forget what I came here for
Can’t go outside past six
because my mind says it’s about to happen again 
in the dark who is my witness
More tears from my mom eyes like
where are you
where did you go
where have you been
Dear anxiety I refuse to be your victim
they can continue to judge me 
I’m make a difference
With or without them
I am here today to take a stand
for everyone that never spoke up 
in those still in 
it’s called the game for reason baby girl 
and I’m sorry that you never 
got Love at home
But the promises he gives you it’s all pretend because in reality those
black eyes and bruises 
or not worth it
And as for you anxiety
I’m done with you lingering around me like a envious friend
cause last time I checked happiness starts from within
So trust me, stay home
and listen to your parents
Cause you can be the next Jane doe
Who couldn’t get out or take it no mo’
a unmarked grave,
Or like my friend Nicole
Who was found under
the bed at
that hotel
Didn’t make it see 18
plastic wrap from head to knees
around her throat
Scratches and rope
If only we lived in a better world
and humans no longer were priced
so for now, starting today
I claim victory over victim
Free from anxiety and no longer afraid.